Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
