FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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