Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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