508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
