Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
