me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize