I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
