.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
