Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
