I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
