matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She bit a glass in half.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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