That's when you crack a 10am beer
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
