Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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