im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
The best revenge is premature balding
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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