I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
