what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
