How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
