I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
me + whiskey = a bad person
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
