Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
