i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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