I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
