Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
