Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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