You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
