The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I love you. Go after that dick
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
