oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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