She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
