and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
