Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Randomize
