Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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