when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
