used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
