i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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