So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize