i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
