In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
