Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Found the puke drawer
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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