i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
