I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
