She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
