I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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