i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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