He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
