Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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