So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i came on her dog
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
