Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
