Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i dont even know how to be here
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
