never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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