happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
