I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
