After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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