the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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