Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
two words: eviction party
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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