it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
