So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Randomize
