You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
