it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize