drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
