i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
