last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
