Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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