Banned from zoo.
Again?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
