The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
