he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
