I like my sex mixed with concussions.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
