you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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