the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
