Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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