no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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