I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
