I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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