She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
