Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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