so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize