Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize