Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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