Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Blood and glitter go together right?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
