Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
