I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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