I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
