we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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