Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize