I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
