YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
