You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
