Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
