I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
His hands were made for my vagina.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Randomize
