I just pynch a tree in the face
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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