It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I skipped work to stalk him.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
